


James, Lily, and Drunk Sue

by Zayhra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 22:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zayhra/pseuds/Zayhra
Summary: James and Lily hop on an airplane





	James, Lily, and Drunk Sue

“Are you sure this is safe?” James asked for what felt like the millionth time since they arrived at the airport.

“No, I actually have a death wish and this is just an elaborate murder suicide.” Lily drawled, flicking through her magazine.

“Remind me why we’re doing this,” James croaked, glancing nervously at the airplane they were about to board.

“It was your idea,” Lily repeated for the millionth time since they arrived at the airport. “It will be fun, you said. Let’s go travel in a whimsical Muggle way, even though it will take ages, you said. Come on Lily, live a little.”

“I am a dumbarse.” James stated matter-of-factly.

Lily looked up from her magazine and grinned. “I know, sweets.” She kissed his cheek affectionately, and then stood up. “Now get your dumb arse off that seat. They’re boarding.”

As soon as they sat down in the airplane, James grabbed the emergency pamphlets and read them thoroughly. Lily resisted the urge to laugh at his serious expression. “I swear you’ve never studied anything as seriously as those pictures.”

“It says here ‘in an event of an emergency landing’, how often do they do that?” James frowned.

“Not very,” Lily said, buckling her seatbelt.

“And why in bloody hell would we need emergency masks?” James looked around the plane worriedly. “Isn’t there enough air in this thing? Can’t they crack open a window?”

“No. Sit down, James.” Lily rolled her eyes as James stood up and tried to push the window open.

“Excuse me sir, you need to take your seat.” The flight attendant stopped in front of their row.

“Sorry, he’s a bit worried.” Lily smiled up at the pretty woman.

The flight attendant regarded James sympathetically. “Nervous flyer?”

Lily hummed, patting James’ jittering knee.

“How often do you do an emergency landing?” James glanced at her nametag. “Sue, is it? Is there enough air in this airplane? What if the bloke flying this thing suddenly dies, can you fly if it comes down to it?”

“James, you’re being rude.” Lily shook her head at the flight attendant. “Sorry. Can’t take him anywhere.”

“It’s alright,” the flight attendant winked. “I’ll see if I can find some liquid courage for your partner here.”

James’ eyes widened as she walked away. “Oh Merlin. They’re all drunkards. We might as well let the bloke who runs the Hog’s Head operate this thing.”

“Hush now,” Lily said. “It’s the safety demonstration.”

“At least someone has some sense, a safety demonstration is a cracking idea.” James strained his neck, and then winced. “Oh no, it’s Drunk Sue doing it.”

“She seemed like a functioning alcohol to me,” Lily said. “I’m sure she can do a fine job even with a few white wines down her throat.”

James listened avidly to the safety demonstration, pointing out the closest emergency exit to them. “It’s right there next to that kid and his mum. If this thing goes down just push them out of the way and jump, Lil.”

“Yes, James.”

The plane started to move along the runway, James reached out and gripped Lily’s hand tightly. “If we go down, I just wanted to let you know that Marcus Birbage lied to you. You do snore.”

“Thanks,” Lily smiled, patting his hand comfortingly. “I love you too.”

“And your mince pies are disgusting. If you remarry, don’t make the bloke your mince pies or you’ll be guaranteed a divorce.”

“Mmhm.”

“And if you survive,” James continued. “Whatever you do, do not throw out my Draygor the Dragon Tamer cards. They’re collectables.”

“Alright,” Lily said, reaching out under her seat with her free hand and grabbing her magazine.

“I’m serious Lily. Those cards will pay for our holiday home one day. I mean, your holiday home. Since I’ll be dead.”

“Okay.” Lily nodded, perusing her magazine.

“Oh Merlin, it’s going faster.” James groaned as the plane started to makes its way down the runway. “I didn’t mean it about your mince pies. They’re not that bad.”

“I know, sweets.” Lily smiled.

“You do snore though.”

“I’m sure my second husband won’t mind.”

Suddenly, the plane started to accelerate, pushing James back in his seat. He closed his eyes tightly, not letting go of Lily’s hands. He could hear the engines roaring as the plane shot up in the air and started to fly.

“James, it’s over.” Lily said.

James cracked an eye open and glanced around in surprise. “I’m not dead.”

“How unfortunate.” Lily rolled her eyes.

James glanced out the windows and gasped. “We’re flying!”

“I’m so shocked.”

“Lil, I think I can see our house from here! Look!” James pointed out the window, grinning.

“Wave hello to Remus then. And hope that he hadn’t set fire to the kitchen like last time.”

“This is amazing!” James sighed, his eyes still glued to the window.

“Worth all the trouble?” Lily asked.

James finally looked away from the window and grimaced. “Merlin no. I’m never going through this madness again.” He looked out again. “Still, I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.”


End file.
